Growing up with an alcoholic parent, or watching a parent descend into alcohol addiction as an adult, is a profoundly painful experience. Whether you’re 15 or 45, the feelings are similar — love, fear, frustration, and a desperate wish to make it stop. This guide is written for you.

Understanding What You’re Dealing With

Alcohol use disorder is a chronic brain disease. It changes how a person thinks, feels, and behaves in ways that are not fully within their control. Your parent is not choosing alcohol over you — their brain has been altered in ways that make the compulsion to drink overwhelming. This doesn’t excuse the harm caused. But it does help explain it.

If You Are a Child or Teenager Living at Home

Your situation is particularly difficult because you have less control over your environment than an adult would. Some things that matter:

Your safety comes first

If your parent’s drinking ever creates a situation that feels physically unsafe — violence, driving while intoxicated, leaving you without care — tell another trusted adult immediately. A teacher, another family member, a neighbour. You are not betraying your parent by keeping yourself safe.

Alateen is for you

Alateen is a programme specifically for teenagers with an alcoholic family member. It’s free, confidential, and run by young people who understand exactly what you’re going through. Find a meeting at al-anon.org/alateen.

You are not responsible for their drinking

Children of alcoholics often carry enormous guilt — a feeling that they are somehow to blame or that if they behaved better, the drinking would stop. It would not. Their drinking has nothing to do with you.

If You Are an Adult Child of an Alcoholic Parent

The dynamics are different but the pain is just as real. You may have grown up in the chaos of an alcoholic household and are still carrying patterns from that experience — hypervigilance, people-pleasing, difficulty trusting. Or you may be watching a parent develop a drinking problem later in life and feel helpless to stop it.

Recognise enabling patterns

Adult children often become caretakers — covering for their parent, managing the consequences of their drinking, protecting other family members. While this comes from love, it is enabling. See our guide: Enabling vs. Helping →

Set clear boundaries

You are allowed to say what you will and won’t accept. “I won’t bring my children to visit if you’ve been drinking.” “I won’t give you money.” These are not punishments — they are statements about what you need to be safe and well. Read more: Setting Boundaries With an Addict →

Have the conversation

When they are sober, at a calm moment, express your love and your concern. Be specific about what you’ve observed. Avoid accusation. Have information about treatment options ready. Read our full guide: How to Talk to an Addict →

Getting Support for Yourself

Children of alcoholics — both young and adult — are significantly more likely to develop their own mental health difficulties, including anxiety, depression, and their own problems with alcohol. Getting your own support is not just good for you — it breaks a cycle.

• Al-Anon — free support for families of alcoholics, al-anon.org
• Alateen — specifically for young people, al-anon.org/alateen
• Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) — adultchildren.org, for those raised in alcoholic families
• Individual therapy — Online-Therapy.com offers CBT-based therapy from $40/week

When to Seek Immediate Help

• If your parent is in physical danger from their drinking — call emergency services
• If you are in danger — leave and call for help
• If you suspect severe withdrawal (shaking, confusion, seizures) — this is a medical emergency, call 999/911
• SAMHSA Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 for guidance on next steps